Exploring the Deep

Passionately pursuing life, faith and adventure…

A girl in limbo.

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I feel like I’m caught in a limbo of sorts. I’m in that odd place where I know a major life change is on the way, but I’m just sitting on the couch waiting for it to arrive. I’m forced to sit on my hands and wait. I have no control of the situation – and even if I could rush or delay the inevitable I would never want that power.

I can’t prepare any more than I have; I can’t book flights; I can’t pass off a task list to colleagues. I have no control over the timing. All I can do is wait. But that’s the hardest part – carrying on with everything with uncertainty looming over me. It’s difficult to keep my mind focused on the present when my thoughts are racing toward what the future holds. When will the phone call come? When will I regain the sense of control I feel like I’ve lost?

When it arrives, then I can hit pause on “normal” life to release myself to the highs and lows of the situation. But what to do in the meantime? I’m ready for the change and not ready at the same time. It’s a hurry up and wait moment. Hurry up to begin processing the emotional impact, but wait for the actual moment to arrive. Prep myself for loss, but still extend love while I can.

How have you processed situations like this? What did you learn? Any advice for this girl in limbo?


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